Remembering My Dad

Although my dad has been gone for years...I never stop missing him or wishing he was still here!
His would be birthday just passed on Feb. 18th which reminded me about a blog I once wrote..thought I would share it here.





Surprise Kindness

I have been very blessed to have family and friends that love and truly care about me. I would never take them for granted without that I am alone…one of my biggest fears.
In return they know that they can count on me for anything. It is very comforting knowing that you have that in your life and I wish that for everybody.

When one of those people show you kindness it is comforting but not surprising, because you know that if you were called upon to do the same you would.
Right now I am referring to kindness that is unexpected, when someone touches your life even if it is for a moment in time and it lasts a lifetime in your heart.

A few years ago my father passed away and it was one of the hardest things I have endured to this day. I hope to someday be able to write about it but for now I want to share this story with you.

At my father’s funeral there was a song played. The title is Go rest high on that mountain sang by Vince Gill.

My dad passed away just before Christmas and I found myself missing him so much. I still miss him and think of him every day so it is not surprising that about month after he died I was still very emotional.

I was at a pub with my sister having a couple of drinks and listening to karaoke. My sister liked to sing and there was a big competition. That night I was introduced to a man my sister knew that ran the competition. He was a handsome cowboy and I remember when I was introduced liking him right away he had a kind face and when he smiled you instantly felt like you had known him forever.

Later in the evening a competitor had his turn at singing and had chosen that very song that was played at my father’s funeral. I found myself welling up with tears and my heart seem to stop. I didn’t want anyone to see so I turned slightly away from the table of people we were with to look as tho I was concentrating on this singer. Instead I was trying desperately not to make a scene and ruin the competition.

I felt my sister put her hand on my shoulder then she asked if I was okay. All I could manage was a nod….there was no way I could speak without crying even more.
I was trying not too get too involved in the song but it just seemed to go forever.
I thought about leaving and going to the bathroom but before I could that is when he came over. Yes the cowboy with his crisp white shirt, faded jeans, worn boots and that kind face came over. I could hear him ask my sister if everything was okay and she replied that the song that was playing was the song that was played at our dad’s funeral and it had been very hard on me.

Next thing I know through the tears I see this hand being offered to me. I looked up and that cowboy was looking at me with these eyes that looked so kind and caring. I took his hand and he lead me to the dance floor closer to the song. He took his other hand and gently put it on my back and we danced. I allowed myself to listen to the words and remember my dad but this time it was different from sitting on the chair. I had felt so alone and missing my dad so much and sad, but dancing I felt closer to my dad and safer in a sense that I knew that it was okay to cry and that maybe I should.

Every time I took a deep breath I needed because of the crying he would hold me a little tighter like he was holding me up. I laid my head on his shoulder and by the time the song ended I had stopped crying and felt like I could breathe again. Then he gave me a long hug and he didn’t let go until I did. The song ended but we stood there like that for a few minutes.

I remember wondering if he was some sort of cowboy knight in his crisp white shirt or if my father had something to do with his actions.

Now when I listen to the song I don’t just miss my dad I can remember the kindness of an almost stranger…..something I will never forget and will always treasure in my memory.

Kindness can come when you least expect it or from those you least expect it from….and maybe even with the help of a loved one but when it happens cherish it like I will because it is a very good feeling….

I miss you dad and I hope that you are proud of me of the person I am!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jXrmAKBBTU

My New Design inspired by CK's Pepper

New Design for my portfolio website!
www.wardmediasolutions.ca

Happy to finally have the idea from my head make it to the screen. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love horses.

This design was inspired by that love of horses and in memory of my last horse CK's Pepper. It is a silhouette of her head from a picture I have of her.

CK's Pepper was a great horse (I will write more about her later in another blog) Sadly I had to put Pepper down last October due to her health. She was diagnosed with cancer last spring. As tough as she was and with her age I didn't have the heart to have her withstand the cold of winter, so I said goodbye to her.

Blog from April 28, 2008

It seems that the most repeated statement I have had lately is "that's the plan"
I have had my share of troubles and hard times in my 41 years but things always seem to work out!
I am always been a big believer in "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so it is not a shock to say
that I am a strong person. I know life is not easy and it is forever changing and I refuse to stop trying.....

So my plan was a number of steps
Step 1 was to end my relationship that wasn't working out!
Step 2 sell the house....is only half mine and it is just a house
Step 3 get accepted to college
Step 4 find an apartment
Step 5 get a student loan for school

Then in September it would be just me and my son (which it seems it has always been) living in a new place both attending school and working hard.

I am so happy to say that the plan has been coming together.

I sold my house....got accepted and there is an apartment in an ideal location I need to go see this week!!!!!!!

It is raining right now and I am afraid that I may get hit by lightning...LOL things are going so well with the "PLAN"

Today is a quiet day for me and it is sinking in that I am going to be a student. I will be 42 in September when
school starts....so crazy. I am excited and scared to death at the same time but that is the feeling as a whole with everything about starting over.

I know I am ready to start my life over again. I will be alone but so often I have felt alone as far as a relationship goes in the past year. I would love to add a relationship to my plan but afraid to ask for too much the plan is already so big.

So here is to the success of the plan so far.....almost there! It is very hard to believe how much my life is going to change soon.!

Feb. 11, 2009 Today...well I will update soon!

Thorn Birds

Hey you....here is the writing from the book Thorn Birds. It is my favorite poem...well guess it isn't actually a poem.

There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in it's life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then singing among the savage branches, it rises above it's own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in the heaven smiles. For the best is only brought at the cost of great pain.......Or so says the legend.

The thorn bird with the thorn in it's breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven but it knows not what to impale itself and die singing. At the very instant the thorn enters there is no awareness in it of the dying to come; it simply sings and sings until there is not the life left to utter another note. But we, when we put the thorns in our breasts, we know. We understand. And still we do it. Still we do it...

I am sure that a lot of you have either read the book or seen the movie....

The author is the 1977 Best Selling Author....australian Colleen McCullough and the movie was a miniseries that began playing in 1983 starring Richard Chamberlain and Rachel Ward. It became the United State's 2nd highest rating mini series behind Roots!